Monday, September 30, 2013
Things I Learned When My Car Broke Down
1 - People are stupid.
2 - The human brain is not located in the head. It is located in the right foot. This is why people can't think while driving.
3 - Americans abuse hazard lights. In the hour I spent waiting for the tow truck, 23 people pulled up behind me, despite the hazards. Some of these geniuses sat through two lights before realizing I wasn't going anywhere. Why? because of people using their hazards when it rains. Like medicine, overuse creates tolerance. Hazard lights should mean something.
4 - People suck. One of the aforementioned Mensa members, who stopped behind my car (the one with the blinking lights) decided to crack his window and yell, "move it or lose it, asshole!" as the light turned green. I tried to explain to him that the only one who should be disappointed was his mother, who was expecting me but he drove off, leaving that zinger on the tip of my tongue. By the way, if you're going to mouth off like a tough guy, stick around for the consequences. Only bitches talk and run.
5 - Texting and driving is a problem, sure, but so is reading, eating, being an idiot, and falling asleep while driving. Put the papers down and focus on the road.
6 - Those auto tags with the college logos on them don't make you smart. One graduate of a Floriduh university sat behind be through two lights beeping at me both times before realizing what hazard lights mean and that the world was passing her by.
7 - The "A" Team is in town. No, seriously, I saw the van. I just hope it's the real "A" Team from my youth and not the remake.
8 - Does comment # 7 make me as stupid as the people I'm complaining about. If so, shoot me.
9 - How long do I have to be in one place before I'm given an address? I'd like to order a pizza.
10 - Spanish Fly Towing? That's real. I just watched it go by. A warning to the ladies: If you must be towed by this company, take a cab to your destination. Do not accept rides from this tow trucker.
11 - Offer me help (which I will refuse because help is on the way.) Or tell me off for ruining your commute, but don't stare at my car like it's the Millennium Falcon. It's not. It's a car. By the way, how self important do you have to be to think that you are the person being inconvenienced by my car breaking down? You are not the center of the universe. Your mother lied to you.
12 - I know you're supposed to dance like no one is watching, but when you dance in your car to Justin Bieber, people are watching. And you look like a shmuck.
13 - A car just went by making the same noise mine made just before it broke. Good luck, Amigo!
14 - I must be one sexy lady the way men keep staring at me as they roll by. Nice to know I still got it!
http://www.adolfojimenez.com
http://www.abdaliz.com
Friday, June 11, 2010
Outline of Chamber Farewell Speech - Delivered 06/10/2010
I joined the chamber with the intention of doing a little networking, hoping to find some business. But as I got to know the people of this city and the people who are so involved in the chamber, I forgot about that.
In the two years I have been Chairman, This chamber has grown over twenty percent. We cut out a lot of the money losing stuff and ran the place like a business. We started great events like the Dania Beach Blast, Shades of Green, our successful business expo. Tri-chamber networking, leads for lunch, and Lunch & Learn, which has been standing room only every time we've held it.
People love us because we are fantastic. Some people hate us for the same reason. All I can do is consider the source and take both as compliments. .
Og Mandino said: Always will I dig for reasons to applaud; never will I scratch for reasons to gossip.
Overall, for every criticism we get, we get a hundred compliments. People often would tell me what a great job I was doing. Those of you who know me, know I try to be humble
So, it's only fitting that I spend the little time I have left here thanking the people who made me look good.
I wish to express my thanks to Commissioner Walter Duke, who has been a steadfast supporter of this chamber.
Russell Baker, who was just the nicest guy and always had a great point of view.
Robin Hirsch, who did such an awesome job with last year's golf tournament.
Fred Nash, who is taking the bull by the horn on membership.
Paul Lamb will be grabbing the bull's tail, so we'll be eating steak.
Melina Degelsmith, who is no longer on the board because she became a mom.
Karen Renzaglia, also a new board member, and I couldn't be happier.
Pat Chukerman, who has taught us all to expose ourselves and has been a good friend.
Scott Singer, for whom I have great respect - and I want a ping pong rematch.
Rose Lizana, who always brought perspective to the board.
Ruth White, aka Troublemaker, who is our treasurer, and our conscience.
Theresa Garcia, who is stealing my job!
Ron Dooley, who left enormous shoes for me to fill, but was always there when we needed him. Your experience and wisdom made my life much easier.
Tim Pelott, and Tony Jimenez, who took me under their wing not only as a part of their business, but as a friend.
Joanne Morrow, who brought us to another level on events. Joanne doesn't know this, but she's actually a part-time employee.
And, of course, my friend Vicki Payne. What would any of us do without you? I was thinking the part of this job I was going to miss the most was calling you up, telling you dirty jokes, and keeping you from your work, but the truth is, I can keep doing that.
In the two years I have been Chairman, This chamber has grown over twenty percent. We cut out a lot of the money losing stuff and ran the place like a business. We started great events like the Dania Beach Blast, Shades of Green, our successful business expo. Tri-chamber networking, leads for lunch, and Lunch & Learn, which has been standing room only every time we've held it.
People love us because we are fantastic. Some people hate us for the same reason. All I can do is consider the source and take both as compliments. .
Og Mandino said: Always will I dig for reasons to applaud; never will I scratch for reasons to gossip.
Overall, for every criticism we get, we get a hundred compliments. People often would tell me what a great job I was doing. Those of you who know me, know I try to be humble
So, it's only fitting that I spend the little time I have left here thanking the people who made me look good.
I wish to express my thanks to Commissioner Walter Duke, who has been a steadfast supporter of this chamber.
Russell Baker, who was just the nicest guy and always had a great point of view.
Robin Hirsch, who did such an awesome job with last year's golf tournament.
Fred Nash, who is taking the bull by the horn on membership.
Paul Lamb will be grabbing the bull's tail, so we'll be eating steak.
Melina Degelsmith, who is no longer on the board because she became a mom.
Karen Renzaglia, also a new board member, and I couldn't be happier.
Pat Chukerman, who has taught us all to expose ourselves and has been a good friend.
Scott Singer, for whom I have great respect - and I want a ping pong rematch.
Rose Lizana, who always brought perspective to the board.
Ruth White, aka Troublemaker, who is our treasurer, and our conscience.
Theresa Garcia, who is stealing my job!
Ron Dooley, who left enormous shoes for me to fill, but was always there when we needed him. Your experience and wisdom made my life much easier.
Tim Pelott, and Tony Jimenez, who took me under their wing not only as a part of their business, but as a friend.
Joanne Morrow, who brought us to another level on events. Joanne doesn't know this, but she's actually a part-time employee.
And, of course, my friend Vicki Payne. What would any of us do without you? I was thinking the part of this job I was going to miss the most was calling you up, telling you dirty jokes, and keeping you from your work, but the truth is, I can keep doing that.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Hello 2010
What Was and What Will Be
(Originally Published December 2009)
2009 is in the books, ladies and gentlemen. Now, we look at 2010. The year we make contact. At least, that’s what the movie told us. Maybe 2010 will be the year to keep in contact. I’ve often written about how to best utilize your chamber memberships, so here’s a suggestion for your New Year’s Resolution.
Make new connections. Now, I don’t mean just meeting new people. How about connecting two people you know? Relationships are about synergies. Become an identifier of synergies. Connect friend A to friend B. Become a business matchmaker. The unexpected results may well be new friendships.
Now, on to chamber business. What a year! Our little chamber grew by leaps and bounds. We had our most successful Golf Tournament to date. We introduced two new very successful events to the city: The Dania Beach Blast and Shades of Green. Our Leads for Lunch proved itself as a successful, viable program and we added Leads for Breakfast. We also launched the first of our quarterly Lunch & Learn series and partnered with Jai Alai for a great business expo. Did I mention our HannuChristmaKwanzaka Party? That was great, too.
Pardon the cliché but… You ain’t seen nothing yet!
2010 Will see all of the above and more. Look for our Insight Dania Beach program, the second Beach Blast, and new networking opportunities. In addition to our regular Business After Hours, we will host additional After Hours events in an effort to showcase more of our member businesses and to provide greater opportunities for our members to connect and grow their businesses. The chamber’s relationship with the city continues to thrive and our members and the residents of Dania Beach will continue to reap the benefits.
Finally, I would like to take a moment to thank the many people who made our success possible. In many ways, the job of the Chairman of the Board is the easiest job in a chamber. I give the occasional speech, write the occasional column, and get pats on the back when things go as beautifully as they have for the Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce in 2009.
Of course, when things go wrong, the weight of the failure falls on the chairman’s shoulders. I have never experienced that awful feeling and there are several exceptional people who deserve the credit for this. They are:
Theresa Garcia, Chairman Elect
Ron Dooley, Past Chairman
Tim Pellot, Secretary
Ruth White, Treasurer
Rose Lizana, Board Member
Scott Singer, Board Member
Pat Chukerman, Board Member
Fred Nash, Board Member
And our office staff:
Joanne Morrow, Events and Membership
Victoria Payne, Executive Director
And so, in closing out the year that was 2009, I leave you with a quote from Bill Vaughan: “An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves.”
God bless you. See you next year.
Adolfo Jimenez
Sponsored by HoneyBee Party Rental 954-989-8783
and TNT Exterminating 305-632-0222
(Originally Published December 2009)
2009 is in the books, ladies and gentlemen. Now, we look at 2010. The year we make contact. At least, that’s what the movie told us. Maybe 2010 will be the year to keep in contact. I’ve often written about how to best utilize your chamber memberships, so here’s a suggestion for your New Year’s Resolution.
Make new connections. Now, I don’t mean just meeting new people. How about connecting two people you know? Relationships are about synergies. Become an identifier of synergies. Connect friend A to friend B. Become a business matchmaker. The unexpected results may well be new friendships.
Now, on to chamber business. What a year! Our little chamber grew by leaps and bounds. We had our most successful Golf Tournament to date. We introduced two new very successful events to the city: The Dania Beach Blast and Shades of Green. Our Leads for Lunch proved itself as a successful, viable program and we added Leads for Breakfast. We also launched the first of our quarterly Lunch & Learn series and partnered with Jai Alai for a great business expo. Did I mention our HannuChristmaKwanzaka Party? That was great, too.
Pardon the cliché but… You ain’t seen nothing yet!
2010 Will see all of the above and more. Look for our Insight Dania Beach program, the second Beach Blast, and new networking opportunities. In addition to our regular Business After Hours, we will host additional After Hours events in an effort to showcase more of our member businesses and to provide greater opportunities for our members to connect and grow their businesses. The chamber’s relationship with the city continues to thrive and our members and the residents of Dania Beach will continue to reap the benefits.
Finally, I would like to take a moment to thank the many people who made our success possible. In many ways, the job of the Chairman of the Board is the easiest job in a chamber. I give the occasional speech, write the occasional column, and get pats on the back when things go as beautifully as they have for the Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce in 2009.
Of course, when things go wrong, the weight of the failure falls on the chairman’s shoulders. I have never experienced that awful feeling and there are several exceptional people who deserve the credit for this. They are:
Theresa Garcia, Chairman Elect
Ron Dooley, Past Chairman
Tim Pellot, Secretary
Ruth White, Treasurer
Rose Lizana, Board Member
Scott Singer, Board Member
Pat Chukerman, Board Member
Fred Nash, Board Member
And our office staff:
Joanne Morrow, Events and Membership
Victoria Payne, Executive Director
And so, in closing out the year that was 2009, I leave you with a quote from Bill Vaughan: “An optimist stays up to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old one leaves.”
God bless you. See you next year.
Adolfo Jimenez
Sponsored by HoneyBee Party Rental 954-989-8783
and TNT Exterminating 305-632-0222
Decision Time
(Originally Published December 04, 2009)
"If nominated, I will run... for the border. If elected, I will fight...extradition." - Colin Powell
On behalf of the Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce, I would like to begin by congratulating Commissioner Albert Jones, who was appointed to the Broward County Commission by Governor Crist.
During my tenure as your chairman, it has been the policy of this organization to refrain from endorsing candidates. Much was made of the fact that during last year's election in Dania Beach, many of our board members expressed their support for certain candidates. Those of us who did so were acting as independent citizens.
Last year, I publicly stated that while the chamber will not endorse a candidate, there was no reason for us to not do so as individuals. In fact, I encourage my board members to be active in political affairs if it is something they are inclined to do.
Mr. Jones' appointment has created a vacancy on our city commission. Our charter states that the city must hold an election. Several qualified individuals have thrown their hats into the ring or have indicated an interest in doing so.
The chamber's board is diverse and I would expect that we would have different opinions on whom we would like to see fill the vacancy. I have not discussed this with them and do not intend to. I will not speak on behalf of the board except to say that our mission will remain the same. We will continue to support the commission and the City of Dania Beach as we always have.
America is great because she has always been a representative republic where the voice of the people is heard. When we put aside our cynicism we accomplish great things. Forget what the newspapers tell you. Democracy happens here, where we live, not in Tallahassee and certainly not in Washington. Whomever you choose to support, do so proudly. Be involved. Remember that voting is your chance to quietly and privately make a difference.
And don't even think of voting for me. I'm with General Powell on this one.
Until we meet again,
Adolfo Jimenez
Chairman of the Board
Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce
(Originally Published December 04, 2009)
"If nominated, I will run... for the border. If elected, I will fight...extradition." - Colin Powell
On behalf of the Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce, I would like to begin by congratulating Commissioner Albert Jones, who was appointed to the Broward County Commission by Governor Crist.
During my tenure as your chairman, it has been the policy of this organization to refrain from endorsing candidates. Much was made of the fact that during last year's election in Dania Beach, many of our board members expressed their support for certain candidates. Those of us who did so were acting as independent citizens.
Last year, I publicly stated that while the chamber will not endorse a candidate, there was no reason for us to not do so as individuals. In fact, I encourage my board members to be active in political affairs if it is something they are inclined to do.
Mr. Jones' appointment has created a vacancy on our city commission. Our charter states that the city must hold an election. Several qualified individuals have thrown their hats into the ring or have indicated an interest in doing so.
The chamber's board is diverse and I would expect that we would have different opinions on whom we would like to see fill the vacancy. I have not discussed this with them and do not intend to. I will not speak on behalf of the board except to say that our mission will remain the same. We will continue to support the commission and the City of Dania Beach as we always have.
America is great because she has always been a representative republic where the voice of the people is heard. When we put aside our cynicism we accomplish great things. Forget what the newspapers tell you. Democracy happens here, where we live, not in Tallahassee and certainly not in Washington. Whomever you choose to support, do so proudly. Be involved. Remember that voting is your chance to quietly and privately make a difference.
And don't even think of voting for me. I'm with General Powell on this one.
Until we meet again,
Adolfo Jimenez
Chairman of the Board
Greater Dania Beach Chamber of Commerce
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