Things I Learned When My Car Broke Down

1 - People are stupid. 2 - The human brain is not located in the head. It is located in the right foot. This is why people can't think while driving. 3 - Americans abuse hazard lights. In the hour I spent waiting for the tow truck, 23 people pulled up behind me, despite the hazards. Some of these geniuses sat through two lights before realizing I wasn't going anywhere. Why? because of people using their hazards when it rains. Like medicine, overuse creates tolerance. Hazard lights should mean something. 4 - People suck. One of the aforementioned Mensa members, who stopped behind my car (the one with the blinking lights) decided to crack his window and yell, "move it or lose it, asshole!" as the light turned green. I tried to explain to him that the only one who should be disappointed was his mother, who was expecting me but he drove off, leaving that zinger on the tip of my tongue. By the way, if you're going to mouth off like a tough guy, stick around for the consequences. Only bitches talk and run. 5 - Texting and driving is a problem, sure, but so is reading, eating, being an idiot, and falling asleep while driving. Put the papers down and focus on the road. 6 - Those auto tags with the college logos on them don't make you smart. One graduate of a Floriduh university sat behind be through two lights beeping at me both times before realizing what hazard lights mean and that the world was passing her by. 7 - The "A" Team is in town. No, seriously, I saw the van. I just hope it's the real "A" Team from my youth and not the remake. 8 - Does comment # 7 make me as stupid as the people I'm complaining about. If so, shoot me. 9 - How long do I have to be in one place before I'm given an address? I'd like to order a pizza. 10 - Spanish Fly Towing? That's real. I just watched it go by. A warning to the ladies: If you must be towed by this company, take a cab to your destination. Do not accept rides from this tow trucker. 11 - Offer me help (which I will refuse because help is on the way.) Or tell me off for ruining your commute, but don't stare at my car like it's the Millennium Falcon. It's not. It's a car. By the way, how self important do you have to be to think that you are the person being inconvenienced by my car breaking down? You are not the center of the universe. Your mother lied to you. 12 - I know you're supposed to dance like no one is watching, but when you dance in your car to Justin Bieber, people are watching. And you look like a shmuck. 13 - A car just went by making the same noise mine made just before it broke. Good luck, Amigo! 14 - I must be one sexy lady the way men keep staring at me as they roll by. Nice to know I still got it! http://www.adolfojimenez.com http://www.abdaliz.com